


Palm of My Hand

by doctor__idiot



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Barebacking, Bottom Jensen, Infidelity, M/M, Rough Sex, Top Jared, light rimming, some dirty talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-20 13:58:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3652989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctor__idiot/pseuds/doctor__idiot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A dark hotel room and all those yesterdays don't make up for the shards of the future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Palm of My Hand

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure this is where I wanted this to go but my stories have a tendency to get away from me very quickly. Shameless lack of plot.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't gain anything from this and I'm not trying to defame anyone. The idea is mine. Unbeta'd.

The night was pitch-black. The clouds overhead were so thick there wasn’t a star to be seen and Jensen couldn’t find the moon, either. He braced his forearms on the rail of the balcony and flicked the ash of his cigarette down into the darkness.

It was freezing cold. Vancouver was chilly all year round but it wasn’t quite spring yet and the temperatures at night still didn’t climb higher than thirty. He was shivering violently even though he had snatched Jared’s jumper on his way outside.

The cold air helped him clear his head, though, and the heady smell of the hotel room did the exact opposite.

When heard the screen door behind him he knew his peace and quiet was over but he didn’t move.

“Jensen?” Jared’s sleep-addled figure stepped onto the balcony, barefoot in jeans and a thin wife-beater. It was all he had left now that Jensen was guilty of stealing his jumper. Jensen still didn’t say anything.

“You’re gonna get sick, y’now?”

He wasn’t sure whether Jared was referring to the cold or the smoking but he figured neither would be wrong.

“Will you come back in? It’s fucking freezin’.”

Jensen wasn’t sure he could speak without his teeth chattering so he kept quiet. Jared sighed and came up behind him, plucked the cigarette out of his fingers. He stubbed it against the rail and let it drop the six stories to the ground.

“I don’t like it when you smoke.”

“I don’t like a lot of things.” 

Jensen’s tone was gruff and Jared huffed in annoyance. “What’s with you?”

Jensen shook his head, shrugged his shoulders. When Jared wrapped his arms around him from behind he hated himself for having wanted that since the moment Jared stepped outside.

“I wish you’d talk to me.”

Jensen sighed. “There isn’t anything… I don’t know _what_ to say anymore.”

“Yeah.”

Jared’s skin was riddled with goosebumps and Jensen found himself rubbing his palms over it for warmth.

“Let’s go inside,” he finally decided. He didn’t want to be responsible for Jared catching pneumonia just because he wouldn’t put on a pair of shoes.

And the jumper. He did feel bad about that.

The warm of the room was heavenly against his frozen skin but there was also the smell that hit him. Sex and men and _Jared_ and Jensen couldn’t think.

“Jen, babe, what is it?”

“Don’t call me that.” He hadn’t meant to sound so harsh but it cut, clean and knife-sharp. He couldn’t breathe right and Jared’s proximity wasn’t helping.

“Call you what?”

Jensen glared at him and Jared actually had the audacity to look confused. “That. Any of that. You don’t get to… When you call me that I can’t help thinking…” His goddamn lungs just wouldn’t fill with air.

“That I what?” Jared looked lost for another second or two before his face hardened. “That I’m calling _her_? That I’m calling Gen? You think I can’t tell the _difference_ between the two of you?”

“Can you?”

While the quiet outside had been calming, the silence that hung between them now was loud and stifling. 

Jensen had expected Jared to be angry but Jared mostly just looked surprised. “I haven’t… I’ve never actually thought about what it sounds like to you,” he admitted, “I’ve always just… I mean, technically you were first.”

Jensen grimaced. “Yeah, and I’ve always told not to call me that. My family already has enough of a foible for nicknames and I hate all of them.”

“Did you? Huh. Must not have heard you then.”

“Yeah, because you ignore all of what I tell you _not_ to do.”

Jared grinned and Jensen loathed it. Loathed that that alone was enough to make him weak in the knees. Loathed that he was that much of a push-over.

“What am I allowed to call you then?”

“Well, we could start with ‘Jensen’. Y’know, since that’s my name.”

Jared stepped closer, smiling, and put his hands on Jensen’s hips, apparently deeming the coast clear, temper tantrum over. Jensen tried to keep his breathing even.

“That’s boring, though,” Jared said right next to his ear and he made the word ‘boring’ sound anything but just with his way of dragging the vowels.

Jensen tangled his fingers in Jared’s hair because he wanted to and because the time when he had refrained from doing the things he wanted to do when it came to Jared was long over.

“I like ‘Jen’. And believe me, when I’ve got you like this, I couldn’t ever think about anyone else.”

Jensen shivered and it was due partly to Jared’s lips ghosting across the skin below his ear and partly to the words themselves. The feeling of being wanted had always been intoxicating. The feeling of being wanted _by Jared_ was an addiction and a high that Jensen never wanted to come down from.  
It scared him to death.

“I could keep calling you ‘babe’. ‘M sure you’d learn to like it. Or I could go British. ‘Love’? No?”

Jensen snorted but Jared’s fingers sneaking under his T-shirt and the jumper he was wearing made him shudder again.

“‘Sweetheart’? It’s a classic. ‘Honey’? Eh, that one’s a bit trite. ‘Sugar’, ‘darling’, ‘baby’ …” The half-smile around his mouth vanished and he looked right at Jensen when he said, “‘ _Mine_ ’?”

Jensen’s breath hitched and he couldn’t stop the small sound that escaped his mouth. He hadn’t expected it and that one tiny word had much more of an impact than he had been prepared for.  
Jared chuckled but didn’t suggest any further nicknames. He pulled Jensen closer and kissed him, didn’t even complain about how he tasted like smoke.

Their relationship was so complicated and yet as simple as it had always been and even on good days Jensen could barely wrap his head around it.

“I don’t really need any names for you, though,” Jared breathed against his mouth, teasing his upper lip with his tongue. “Because there’s no one else I think about when I’m with you.”

“Jared, that’s not—“ Jensen swallowed against the lust and the fear and everything else that threatened to overwhelm him on an every-day basis. “I just don’t want you to compare me to her. Because I’m going to lose and I’m a selfish bastard like that.”

Jared drew back, eyes wide, mouth slack. If Jensen didn’t know better he would say he looked dumbstruck. “Y— You think you’d _lose_?”

Jensen blinked. “I know I’d lose. She’s your wife. She’s the mother of your _children_. I don’t even _wanna_ compete with her.”

“She’s— Yes, Jensen, she’s the mother of my children. Yes, I married her. And I love her very much.” 

There was that knife again. Lower this time and ragged, no clean edge. “I know.” 

“Let me finish.” Jared’s tone was soft but his eyes were hard and Jensen snapped his mouth shut. “But you and her, you couldn’t be more different and I’m here with you, ain’t I? We’re together all the time but I can never really _be_ with you like I want to and I hate this sneaking ‘round but if that’s what it takes…” 

“Everybody probably fuckin' knows anyway.” 

“Guess so.” Jared nodded solemnly, framed Jensen’s face with his palms. “Jensen, I need you to understand something. Tom and Shep are everything to me and I want them to grow up in the best possible environment, so there’ll have to be sacrifices. And I do love Gen, but she’s not you. She’s not the love of my life.” 

Jensen was so thrown by the admission that his eyes flickered up to meet Jared’s but he couldn’t hold them for long. Gaze too heated, emotions in an uproar. 

He wanted to say something. He wanted to say something so desperately but it would be admitting that this was it. That this was what the rest of their lives was going to be like and he had to believe that there was more. That there was hope. 

Smiling weakly, he said, “I have a daughter, too, y’know. And a wife, who is very much awesome and doesn’t deserve any of this.” 

Jared exhaled in relief. His breath brushed Jensen’s jaw. “Yeah, I know. ’S just, sometimes I think we’re not even crossing the same ocean, much less sitting in the same boat.” 

“Oh, with the metaphors now, huh?” 

“Shut up, my mom’s an English teacher.” 

“’S’that gonna be you’re excuse for everything from now on?” 

They grinned at each other and moments like this made it seem so easy. So uncomplicated while in reality it was insurmountable. 

As if Jared had read his mind he quipped, “Sometimes I’d like it to be simple. But then I think, nah, that’d be pretty boring.” 

“I like boring.” 

“No, you like _me_. That’s, like, the opposite.” 

“S’true.” 

Jared’s smile widened briefly before his mouth lost its upward turn and his eyes grew serious again. A noticeable change of atmosphere swirled around them like a breeze. 

“What do you want, Jensen?” 

It should sound trite because Jared always asked but it never did and Jensen thought it never would and he knew he was very much hopeless because it never failed to make him shiver. 

He knew how to retaliate, though, and he took great pleasure in it. “You know what I want, Jare. I want you to fuck me again, and I want you to do it like you mean it this time.” 

He shoved his chin right up into Jared’s face and it was stupidly clichéd but it had Jared’s eyes blazing and that was really all Jensen needed. He gripped Jared’s hair, made it hard enough to hurt and crushed their mouths together, ridiculously grateful that their heart-to-heart was over. He felt exhausted mentally and the only way to counteract that was to exhaust his body as well.  
And nobody did that better than Jared. 

Jared wrapped his arms around him, surrounding Jensen in strength and it really didn’t have any right to be as addicting as it was. “You got anything particular in mind?” 

“Yeah,” Jensen licked his own lips, licked Jared’s lips, remained close enough for their mouths to brush when he spoke, “I want you to hold me down. I want you to take me like this, without any more lube or anything, and I want you to fuck me hard and I don’t want to be able to walk tomorrow.”  
He softly pressed his nails into Jared’s scalp and added, like an afterthought and with a smile, “We don’t have to go into work tomorrow, do we?” 

“Jesus,” Jared made a noise low in his throat, breathed, “No, thank fuck we don’t,” and Jensen could feel self-control slipping in Jared’s fingers that dug into his sides, clenching, as if Jared was two seconds away from throwing Jensen onto the untidy bed. It was an exhilarated feeling and it was insane how much Jensen wanted it. 

“So,” his voice was too hoarse for his liking but he couldn’t stop himself. “You think you can live up to my expectations?” he teased and Jared’s eyes turned even darker, if possible. That and the hard line of heat against Jensen’s hip really were enough of a promise. 

“I think that when I’m done with you, you won’t be able to say words like ‘expectations’ anymore. Or any other words really.” 

Again with the corny lines that still made fire curl low in Jensen’s belly and he desperately needed to work on that. 

He swallowed. “Well, get on with it then.” 

Where there had been slow and soft earlier, looking at each other, mapping tongues and sure hands, there was roughness now. Clashing teeth and eyes screwed shut, bruising fingers and sharp bones. Jensen didn’t know which he preferred in general but right now he badly needed the latter. 

Hands clawing at clothes, clumsy feet, twisted sheets, and when Jared finally pushed his cock into Jensen, pinning him stomach-first to the mattress with his weight, it hurt. Jensen rolled his hips into Jared’s to his best abilities, reveling in the strain, the stretch, looking forward to the soreness like he never had. 

Jared’s thrusts were nothing short of brutal, punishing. Jensen’s back was bowed taut and he swore he could feel every single vertebra shifting with Jared’s movements. Jensen’s wrists in one hand, the other on his hip, Jared poured filth into his ear and Jensen’s teeth clamped around the pillow to keep from screaming. 

“Shit, Jen, do you have any idea how much I love you like this? I wish I could have you like this all the time, spread out for me and beggin’ me to fuck you harder.” 

Jared’s angle changed when he canted his hips down and this time Jensen did scream and maybe he could come just from this. Jared nailing his prostate on every thrust, huge hands gripping him hard, whispering gravelly Texas in his ear. 

“Couldn’t think about anyone else, baby, never anyone… No one begs as pretty as you do.” Jared was panting but he sounded way too put together for Jensen’s liking and it wasn’t fair. Jensen had a hard time breathing, he wasn’t going to attempt speaking. 

But then Jared nuzzled his neck, open mouth, and whispered, “C’mon, Jensen, beg,” and it ripped out of Jensen without his brain having a say in it. 

“ _Please_.” 

It was a guttural sound and it was embarrassing how easy Jared had it with him. 

Jared actually slowed his thrusts down, made them deeper and cleaner, not as frantic, and Jensen knew he wouldn’t stand ten more seconds of this. 

Little pinpricks of teeth down the back of his neck and Jensen gasped under Jared, wanting to kiss him so badly. Instead, he turned his face into the pillow because he couldn’t breathe anyway and didn’t even try to put up resistance when his orgasm rolled through him. 

Jared let go of his wrists, wrapped an arm around his middle because Jensen would have straight-up collapsed otherwise, gentling his strokes. Jensen gritted his teeth against the overwhelming oversensitivity. 

Jared still surrounded him, was in him, above him, and his skin was on fire where they were fused together which was _everywhere_ and Jensen wasn’t sure how much more he could take when Jared shuddered on top of him and Jensen swiveled his hips, teasing Jared all the way through climax. Jared bit his shoulder, pleasure-pain incomprehensible to Jensen’s frayed nerve-endings and he groaned. 

Cold air chilled his overheated body when Jared pulled back and he did it so quickly Jensen nearly crashed to the mattress. Jelly-bones and rubber-muscles, he propped himself up on his elbows. Jared slid down his body, tongue on his tailbone before he licked across Jensen’s hole, pointy tongue and dirty focus, catching his own semen, and Jensen shot up the bed. He slapped Jared away. 

“Jesus Christ,” he breathed, his voice no good for more. 

Jared dropped next to him, little droplets of sweat hitting Jensen’s cheek and it should be gross but it wasn’t. “Yeah. Fuck, I love you.” 

They usually weren’t this open about it. They usually used condoms, too. Courtesy to their marriages. Tonight seemed to be the night of rule-breaking and Jensen was too damn sick and tired of courtesies anyway. 

He hummed in agreement, kicked Jared’s knee softly and Jared immediately threw an arm around him. They were sticky and smelled disgusting but Jensen wasn’t sure he would ever be able to move again. 

He could finally kiss Jared, though, and he did so thoroughly, Jared’s palm rubbing circles over his hip, fingers sneaking between Jensen’s cheeks while he was distracted. Jensen should push him away or at least tell him off but he had never been good at denying Jared anything and he loved the dirtiness of it, so he let Jared push two of his long fingers back into him, gasping into Jared’s mouth and gripping his hair. 

There was no way in hell he could get hard again but it was still pleasurable, right there on the edge to painful. He wasn’t too sore yet and Jared had that annoying way of knowing just all the right spots. 

“I think you have an unhealthy obsession with my ass,” he grinned against Jared’s stubbled chin, showing teeth.

Jared licked the corner of his mouth affectionally. “Who says it’s unhealthy?” 

His fingers brushed softly across Jensen’s prostate and Jensen couldn’t help the moan even though his body was still torn between Keep Going and Too Much. He took hold of Jared’s wrist, feeling the sinews move as Jared’s thumb gently massaged his abused rim. 

“God, your fucking hands.” 

Jared hummed, nipped along his jaw. “Shower now or tomorrow?” He already sounded tired, far away. Or maybe that was Jensen. 

“T’morrow. Sleep now.” 

“Alright.” 

Jared slowly extracted his fingers, not without a last teasing twist that sent little shocks up Jensen’s spine, but his palm remained spread over the round of Jensen’s ass. 

Jensen was sure Jared could feel him smirk against his neck. 


End file.
